Guest Writer: Jason Tyner

Kev is back with another installment from J-Ty. Enjoy.

Hey Y’all,

It’s J-Ty again. Well I made it to Australia after a LONG flight. Man, I thought flights from Seattle to the East Coast were long, this was something else. Luckily, J-Ty came prepared with a ton of Ny-Quil and Tylenol PM. You mix those bad boys together, add in the shots of Jack I smuggled through security, and you’ve just killed 10 hours in blissful passed-the-fuck-out land. Point, J-Ty.

Anyway, I made it to Australia, and I have to say I was a little concerned about the language barrier. I mean, who could blame me, I was under the impression that Australians spoke some strange language where “beer” was translated as “Foster’s.” Luckily for me, it looks like everyone in Melbourne speaks English instead of Australian. Nice of them; I can’t imagine what other words mean in Australian if they get “Foster’s” out of “beer”.

I was also surprised by how Australia has cities and stuff. Melbourne actually might be bigger than Minneapolis. I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty excited to see Crocodile Dundee guys running around the Outback chasing dingos and kangaroos and stuff, speaking some crazy Australian phrases. I was all excited to run up to Crocodile Dundee and say “G’dye” (that’s Australian for hello). I’m going to make it a point to get out to the Outback and say “G’dye” before I leave though.

I got another culture shock when I decided it was time to rustle up some grub for the evening. I thought to myself, of course, what better way to have a fantastic meal and take in some of the local culture than to hit up an Outback? Imagine my confusion when I asked a taxi driver where the nearest Outback was and he said, “There are no Outbacks in ‘Stralia, mate.” After I punched him in the face for calling me what I can only assume is the Australian version of what we Texans used to call, “queer”, I checked it out. Turns out the smarmy bastard was right. Outback is headquarted in Tampa! No wonder there were so many down there when I was with the D-Rays.

Anyway, one last note before I go out to a real Australian restaurant, and this one goes out to the puppy killer in Minneapolis. The high is 77 in Melbourne, bitch! I’ll catch up with another cultural report later on this week. I play my first game Friday night. Prediction: Domination.