Jim Caple makes me want to be thirty.

I know, it sounds crazy. Why would I want to age over seven years right now, when I'm in my early tewnties? Think of all the amazing time I would miss! My liver is probably the only part of me that would be happy. But, when you hit thirty, you become eligible to play in the Minnesota Twins Fantasy Baseball Camp. I cannot begin to put into words how jealous I am. I mean, sure, there's the 3,895 reasons I can't afford it, not to mention that I can't easily pick up and take a vacation to Florida, but how much fun would that be? Play baseball for a week and an endless supply of beer. It's like $3,895 to buy a week of heaven. Instead of being in Florida for a week playing baseball with retired pros and drinking all the beer I can handle, I'm in a snowstorm in Minneapolis. Awesome.

Since I have to hold off on the Twins fantasy camp for 7+ years, I decided to look into my other options. There is a Minnesota amateur baseball league, but the players on the team closest to me happen to have a large amount of college experience, with one guy supposedly having played for the Tigers. (The guy really never made it out of AAA. And he calls himself a baseball player. Psh.) Considering I have about as much baseball talent as Sir Charles has golf talent, amateur leagues are out.

This leaves me with the fall back option for the nonathletic masses: the video game. For all you under 30, or don't-have-four-grand-to-blow-and-free-time thirty-plus, individuals lacking baseball talent, have fun getting your fill with MLB 2k8 in a few weeks. (No MLB 2k_ game comment can go without saying how they effectively killed arguably the best baseball game ever by buying the exclusive MLB license and robbing us from sequels to MVP 2005. I will never forgive 2K Sports for this.) So have fun, amigos. Just try not to get too into the role of a ballplayer, or you'll end up with stains all over your carpet from spitting out your chew and inevitably attack your wife/girlfriend in a fit of 'roid rage. It's best leaving stuff like that to the pros.